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[–]ialdabaoth -1 points0 points1 point  (5 children)
In my experience:
It's totally fine with most people if you're a Dom who prefers inexperienced subs. It's even fine if you're a Dom that prefers inexperienced subs specifically because you want to prey on their vulnerability.
JUST DON'T FUCKING ADMIT IT. We like to protect our predators, because the qualities and skills that make a successful predator also make a successful leader (knowing how to make people feel comfortable with you, knowing how to maintain your public reputation, and so on) - and we'd rather have leaders that make us feel good about them. It means we can rely on our feelings instead of actually having to spend a lot of effort paying attention to what people are doing.
So yeah, do what you want, just remember to manage what you look like and you'll be fine.
[–]noTouchy21345 4 points5 points6 points  (4 children)
Ok. I'm going to just straight up say that after poking around these forums and researching for almost a year now by talking to people both online and irl, having just found myself a delicious submissive with whom I am having great fun and learning things about myself that I never dreamed of, that this comment right here is the first thing I've read that has truly made me feel uncomfortable.
I hope to fuck that you have completely misinterpreted what BDSM is all about and that you are in no way indicative of the people within this community. Because if that is not the case...
I mean fuck. Either I've missed something very important along my journey, or you have.
[–]ialdabaoth 5 points6 points7 points  (3 children)
Eh. I've just had way too many highly-regarded people walk into a community, actually give seminars on "how to keep predators out of your community", ping off my 'oh shit this guy's a predator!' instinct, and then - sure enough - turn out to be predators after two or three years of everyone making excuses for them.
[–]SilverInStarlight 6 points7 points8 points  (0 children)
Have an upvote. Unpopular opinion time: This has been my experience too. I have seen too many leaders/presenters/event managers do this exact thing. Maybe I’m just jaded after 5+ years of seeing this in various communities on the East Coast.
When I started out, I never understood why someone wouldn’t want to be part of the kink community. Now that I have spent a significant amount of time in the community, I completely understand why some folks just do what they like with their partners behind closed doors. It’s too hard to watch this pattern play out over and over and over.
Once a predator is engrained in your community, it’s nearly impossible to dethrone them. And then we ask ourselves to choose: Do we kick this person out to protect our community, or in doing so do we put more vulnerable people at risk by forcing them to operate in the shadows, with no one to police them?
[–]noTouchy21345 0 points1 point2 points  (1 child)
Maybe reword your comment. It comes off as advocacy rather than jaded apathy.
[–]ialdabaoth 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Well, if everyone else is advocating... seriously, guys. We need to attend to what actually causes harm, not how well people manage their words.
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