I suppose I should tell you about myself, first.
I'm a freak. While a lot of you are probably conjuring images of piercings, tattoos, black vinyl and spikey, multi-color hair, this goes a lot deeper than that.
I suppose I could consider myself into BDSM, but what I want is a bit more extreme than that.
I suppose I could consider myself into the transhumanist movement, but what I want is a bit darker than that.
I suppose I could consider myself psychotic, but what I want is no worse than what society forces everyone to do to each other and to themselves - it's just not as accepted, and not as dishonest.
I've never really been that good with women - they've always seemed to be somehow unattainable, frustrating, and oftentimes deliberately hurtful. I suppose that's why I first became a misogynist and a cynic. I don't HATE womankind, really, I just hate almost every woman - more accurately, every extremely attractive woman - I see because she's bought into our society's mainstream objectification gig, and refuses to see herself as anything more. Yet at the same time, she refuses to accept that she's made herself just an object, and refuses to allow herself to be treated as such by anyone that she doesn't secretly deem worthy of it - and these people, she DEMANDS it of. Good luck figuring out which side of the fence you're on before you try to interact with her; if you're wrong, hell hath no fury...
So anyway. I've been finally coming out of a LONG dry spell with women, and the old truism - "when it rains, it pours" - seems rather apt. I have an awesome SO, Riahanna (more on her later), who's mostly okay with the fact that I'm pursuing lots of seconds - some of whom are even reciprocating. I firmly believe that it's nearly every man's dream, somewhere deep inside, to have a harem of beautiful women that he objectively owns. Whether it is or not, it's certainly MY dream. We'll see if I can pull it off before I die of old age, cancer, Anthrax, or being run over by an Amish wagon.
I've been with Riahanna for about a month now. She's an amazing girl... she's smart, she's funny, she's sexy... but she's not everything I need, and she can't be. She knows this, which is cool. But sometimes I worry...
Then there's velvet. velvet's not even 17 yet. But she's the most awesome little thing I've ever met. She's a *TRUE* submissive - even though she's doing a lot of growing up right now, which sometimes involves ignoring or redefining parts of herself to discover what she wants to be. I hope to God she stays the same sweet little thing I met a year ago. She's mine, but right now she needs to be free, and I have to respect that. Gods willing, she'll come back to me soon.
Then there's CS, who would have been a perfect catch if she hadn't gone and had a kid. Eh well. We're still friends, and we still flirt a lot, and she's a really fun person to just talk to. She also finds my ideals on body modification and aesthetics appealing, although she's way, way too scared to go through with it - even if she didn't have a childling to look after. At least her enthusiasm has given me SOME hope that I might find other willing participants in my mad schemes. Here's to hoping.
Well, this isn't much of a journal entry, per se, but it's a start. Further addendums will be far more coherent.
