×

3
4

I have a dilemma around sexual violence. (self.asktrp)

submitted by ialdabaoth

So, it appears that, to most attractive girls, non-negotiated quasi-consensual violence is hot.

Attempts to negotiate fully-consensual violence are NOT hot, because they give the sense that one might be into non-consensual violence.

... dafuq?

It seems like this becomes more true, the more attractive the girl is that I'm flirting with. Like, I could easily find people who are completely into fully negotiated, consensual scenes, as long as I completely gave up on being with people I was sexually attracted to. And my sexual attraction is based on things that seem like they should be COMPLETELY independent of cultural behaviors and assumptions, so at first glance I'm REALLY confused what's going on here.

My current operating theory is that attractive girls basically want to set up a situation where I have to do something risky, and she gets to decide if I was "worthy" of doing it - and if I'm not "worthy", then I get labeled a rapist.

And telling me to "lift more" isn't going to help here, because no matter how much I pump up my SMV, I feel like I'm always going to have that fear in the back of my mind, that if I escalate, she'll cry "rape" - even if all I did was touch her arm in a bar.

And that fear is TOTALLY killing my inner game, because getting called a rapist isn't a joke.

all 11 comments
sorted by:
best
topnewcontroversialoldq&a

[–]THEMANWHOWASRIGHT 1 point2 points  (11 children)

You got it.

She wants to sort out the weak from the strong - to be had by one who wants her enough that he'll transgress boundaries in order to have her.

...Providing he isn't 'creepy'.

If she tells you what she wants her fantasy is ruined - it needs to be guessed and acted upon or it won't be real.

Much like asking someone what they'd like for Christmas - it'll never have the same effect as if you simply knew, and did.

I'd recommend sacrificing some of her fantasy for peace of mind, by taking it a step at a time - without asking her.

Alternatively you can casually state the things you'd like to do with her, which isn't as good in her mind as if you simply did them, but better than having her tell you.

Again, state or do, do not ask. If you state, go all out. If you do, go one step at a time.

[–]MuhTriggersGuise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd recommend sacrificing some of her fantasy for peace of mind, by taking it a step at a time - without asking her.

This, but OP also needs to realize most women send a ton of information through signals and body language. He is complaining that she isn't overtly communicating with him, when she is likely communicating exactly what she wants through more subtle means. His problem is not knowing their language.

[–]ialdabaoth[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children)

Okay, but I'm legitimately terrified of going to jail for sexual assault, because it almost happened to me when I was a kid. And that's really killing my frame. How do I get over it?

[–]THEMANWHOWASRIGHT 0 points1 point  (7 children)

The more comfortable you are the more comfortable they will be, which will make these things less likely to happen.

The more roughly you treat her the more comfort she'll require, usually. It's why I rather a regular than a one night stand when it comes to this.

Steer clear of damaged girls, ones who have a long line of 'abusive exes'. Feminists, who's definition of rape is generally as loose as their vagina are also to be avoided if you're afraid of this.

The alternative is holding back on giving them what they want.

Are you able to go into any detail about your rape scare?

[–]ialdabaoth[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children)

Yeah. I was 17, a bunch of girls made up a fake 12 year old girl (as in the 'victim' didn't even exist) and reported me to the police, police showed up to question me, my parents believed them, it turned out that the victim was made up and the police knew it, my parents refused to believe that that's what happened, so they grounded me for a year and brought it up whenever they wanted to fuck with me about anything (like me wanting to go away to college).

So my GENERAL assumption is that girls, the authorities, and my family and friends will all agree to a known and obvious lie if it means they get more power over me or can make me suffer. In my gut, I know I am never safe, no one is ever on my side, and everything I care about and everything I work for can be taken away from me in an instant, for no reason, and there will never, ever, be anything I can do about it, and people like it that way.

[–]1grubek 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Your parents seem lovely people. Using a false rape accusation to scare your teenage child, lovely, such class and responsability...

[–]ialdabaoth[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

They regretted adopting me. My mom really wanted me to kill myself since I was 12. (I still feel guilty about that, to be honest.)

[–]1grubek 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fuck them. Work on giving them less and less of your though process.

[–]THEMANWHOWASRIGHT 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Do you know why they made up this story?

[–]ialdabaoth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I flirted with one of them and it embarrassed them because I was a nerd, so they needed to get back at me.

[–]LordThunderbolt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Except people have yet to frame Santa Claus in a home invasion.