So, it appears that, to most attractive girls, non-negotiated quasi-consensual violence is hot.
Attempts to
negotiate
fully-consensual violence are NOT hot, because they give the sense that one might be into non-consensual violence.
... dafuq?
It seems like this becomes more true, the more attractive the girl is that I'm flirting with. Like, I could easily find people who are
completely
into fully negotiated, consensual scenes, as long as I completely gave up on being with people I was sexually attracted to. And my sexual attraction is based on things that seem like they should be COMPLETELY independent of cultural behaviors and assumptions, so at first glance I'm REALLY confused what's going on here.
My current operating theory is that attractive girls basically want to set up a situation where I have to do something risky, and she gets to decide if I was "worthy" of doing it - and if I'm not "worthy", then I get labeled a rapist.
And telling me to "lift more" isn't going to help here, because no matter how much I pump up my SMV, I feel like I'm always going to have that fear in the back of my mind, that if I escalate, she'll cry "rape" - even if all I did was touch her arm in a bar.
And that fear is TOTALLY killing my inner game, because getting called a rapist isn't a joke.